On this thread at Sunshine Mary’s, Deti said:
My position is that MANY women would cheat if right time, right place, right guy, low risk of detection. Not most, and certainly not all, but a significant minority.
What he is describing is what I’m going to call “the perfect storm” theory. I hold the view that when a wife is faced with her “perfect storm” it’s going to happen far more often than most are willing to admit; especially if she’s ovulating and fighting with her husband. Consider this scenario:
Out of town on a business trip with a co-worker she’s somewhat attracted to, the day after an epic fight with her husband and right after the surprisingly flirtatious liquid lunch in the hotel bar… they’re now headed upstairs to their rooms because they don’t have anything on the agenda for the rest of the day and “should probably get some work done.” Still flirting playfully, they get into the elevator.
The red flags in the arc of this short narrative are everywhere, but I think the real issue is it isn’t just what she will or won’t do, it’s also him. What if his major goal for this business trip was to get her in bed… that he wanted to nail her from the moment he first saw her, he’s attractive and he has a good understanding of game? She won’t realize he’s worked for months to develop comfort and repoire at work while keeping the attraction building on a very low key. Likewise the “innocent” flirting. It worked and she doesn’t see him as a threat and she doesn’t know she’s being gamed.
He now has her completely isolated in a hotel in another city. He’s been pouring drink into her and working to develop attraction based on the previously established comfort and she’s now showing obvious attraction and their flirting is very overt (they’re anonymous in this city- who will know?). He’s stepped up the physical touching and she’s responding. They had two (rather strong) drinks and then he suggested they stop so she won’t think he was trying to get her drunk, and they should probably go to their rooms and try to get some work done. More comfort and the setup for the endgame. The alcohol has dropped her inhibitions a bit and her comfort level is back up. They continue flirting in the elevator.
Will it be a surprise, when he invites her into his room with some excuse or another that she’ll walk through the door and continue flirting with him? And when he kisses her and she finds herself responding hungrily, will it come as a surprise to anyone that her clothes come off in short order?
The problem is the scenario didn’t start when she made the decision to go into his room, or even when she agreed to the trip with him, it started when she got the job working outside the home. Everything after that was simply a progression of decision points, like when she “innocently” flirted with him the first time, or shared emotionally intimate details of her life with him. And then agreed to come on the trip with him. And then chose to have drinks with him at the bar, drinking on an empty stomach. And while having those drinks in an anonymous hotel bar in another city, allowed him to flirt openly with her and surprise! She enjoyed it! Walking into his room with him, not to come out until the next morning, was merely the final step in this predictable progression.
Am I saying that women who work outside the home will cheat because they’re working outside the home? No. Am I saying that SAHM’s don’t cheat? No. I am saying that working outside the home (usually) offers much greater opportunity to develop relationships with men other than the husband and opportunities to be alone with them. It can cause friction within the home for lots of well-documented reasons. All this is a recipe for creating the “perfect storm.” It doesn’t mean it will happen, it doesn’t mean she can’t make it through the storm if it does happen, I’m just saying the odds of such a storm ever hitting are higher when the wife works outside the home. If and when it hits other issues come into play. In her relationship with her husband are they fighting, is she attracted to him and how does he compare to this guy? Where she is in her menstrual cycle?
It isn’t productive to try to isolate this at the point of her getting out of the elevator with his hand gently on the small of her back and say the real decision is which door she walks through. Yes, which door she walks through is almost the final decision point, she’s responsible for it and part of her knows exactly what will happen on the other side of his door and can’t wait. One never knows, she might offer some last minute resistance and he could blow it, but odds are that if she walks into his room it’s over. The reason is that the work-relationship that produced comfort and repoire came first, then came the fight with her husband and within that context the isolation, inebriation and flirting that led to her arousal are all key points in this narrative, not merely the tingles that have her hamster in full control when she walks out of the elevator.
So don’t read this as me disparaging the married ladies, I’m just pointing out there are some men who prefer married women. Some of those men will go to great lengths to create the circumstances and provide the logistics under which a wife is isolated, inebriated, teased, aroused and then *BANG* It just happens. It may not have all those elements, but when all the elements come together under the control of a very attractive man who created the situation specifically to seduce said wife, she will be facing her perfect storm. If she has the wisdom to run while she can, she should.
Otherwise, later may come the wail of “I don’t know how… it just happened!”
What used to be reasonable and prudent steps to avoid even the appearance of evil are now viewed as ridiculous and both men and women are put in situations in which isolation is followed by inebriation, teasing, flirting, arousal and finally, *BANG* It just happens.
Or, perhaps it doesn’t because despite the best efforts of some very attractive guy, the strength of the wife’s character, her depth of faith, her fear of her very alpha husband’s wrath or even God’s direct intervention with a phone call from her child combines to remind her of what she is about to risk losing and brings her to her senses.
[*EDIT: What I’m trying to communicate is that Christian wives are particularly at risk because their husbands are having “submission to wives” and “servant leadership” pounded into them by the feminist-infected church. Their husbands are being taught and trained to do things that will cause their wives to be contemptuous of them. Because of the contempt the wives have for their husbands’ supplicating behavior, the wives are at risk.
The unhappy, unfulfilled and frustrated Christian wife who tries to “take it to Jesus” may very well wind up with a holier-than-thou attitude or give off that vibe. If she’s an attractive woman, she’s just set herself up as the ultimate challenge to the sociopathic home-wrecker. I’m not saying that she should get fat (and I suspect that there’s more than a few of them who subconsciously do it as a defense), but ultimately the garbage the church is teaching men and women puts her at risk for seduction by a dominant, attractive man.]
The only way to win is not to play the game. Even then, the game may come to you. It may be in church (yes, Virginia, there do be wolves in church) or the neighborhood or any social setting. However, the SAHM that’s homeschooling her children almost always has chaperoned accountability, so developing a relationship with her would be very difficult and she would be almost impossible to isolate.
There Are Reasons To Be Thankful For Not Being Rich.
Years ago I made the acquaintance of someone who has a security and investigative agency (not in this country) that caters to the top echelon of the social/political circuit. They provide high-end security and monitoring, bodyguards and investigative services. They also provide a special service for those who want to divorce without losing their money. It’s a Catholic country with really hairy divorce proceedings and for some who want out of their marriage, there is a lot of money on the table as well as intermingled business relationships between the two families. Getting out of such marriages can be a very tricky business and the holy grail in such situations is documented evidence of adultery (especially if there’s salacious video). Understand, in that country and at that level, there are no rules, but it certainly isn’t the only country where such services can be obtained. Often it’s as simple as documenting an existing adulterous relationship. But what if the spouse is faithful? They’re targeted for seduction.
This agency guarantees results. Her clients submit to an interview in which they’re asked a very proprietary set of questions about their spouse. Computers have spyware installed. Phones have their data copied for analysis later. Very soon, the target’s life is an open book. Based on that, they’re targeted by an appropriately attractive person for an adulterous affair that will be documented with video and witness statements. Her success rate with men approaches 100% and the success rate with women is over 80% without the use of drugs.
For the women, its all about getting the man into her proximity in a socially acceptable way. Perhaps the husband hires the man to work in the home (yard-boy, gardener) or he’s brought in as a contractor on a long project, or introduced as a business associate or old friend, perhaps he has to have an apartment in their building. This is not a cheap service, but one way or another an opportunity to develop a relationship will be created. Not unlike the way women who work outside the home have an opportunity to develop a relationship with men other than their husband. Once some attraction has been developed for the other guy, the husband is told to insult the wife and tell her she’s fat or ugly, and then leave for a few days. That kicks in the “I’ll show him” response. Results are predictable.
She told me that for the men it’s all about cracking their shell of entourage, bodyguards and business associates. It’s much harder to get access to the top tier men and she may even have to recruit a specific woman for the task, but once access is gained, usually all that’s needed is the right type of woman showing up regularly with a smile.
She told me drugs are unnecessary and actually counterproductive because with drugs (scopolamine, in particular), while its 100% guaranteed to get really nasty evidence (homosexual/interracial/pedophile) the person knows they’re a victim and it motivates them to fight, perhaps even try to have the person responsible killed. She said the guilt of the person knowingly cheating is what really causes them to accept the terms of the divorce and they don’t ever realize they were set up: They think they attracted that really attractive person all by themselves and simply got caught by the detectives.
So, yes, I hold the view that at the right time, under the right circumstances, for the right guy, it’s going to happen far more often than most want to admit.. And while I realize that being specifically targeted for seduction by professionals is somewhere in the realm of fantasy for 99.999% of the population, there are still plenty of attractive men who target married women for seduction. For the guy that’s after the thrill of the chase, what’s more challenging than the attractive, conservative Christian wife? The more devout, the bigger the challenge and the bigger the emotional payoff for putting the horns on her husband. Most of these wives are married to beta husbands and they won’t compare well. If he sets it up right and other circumstances fall into place… it won’t end well. If you find yourself saying “men don’t do that” just reflect on the term “Dark Triad.”
Of the four professing Christian women I’ve known who cheated on their husbands, three out of the four rationalized it as not being their fault. For at least one of them, I’ll go so far as to say that she wound up in a position in which she never had a chance and I used the rough details of her story in the narrative above. Afterward I heard things like: “It’s not like I was on AshleyMadison or anything!” and “I don’t know how, it just happened!” In each case it was a guy they’d known for at least six months and had gradually developed a flirtatious or otherwise emotionally intimate relationship with. Once that relationship was in place, when the circumstances created the right situation, “it just happened.”
Only one of them admitted she made a conscious decision to step out on her husband and then regretted it, but afterward it was “things will never be the same” so she divorced him and now claims it was his fault she cheated because she didn’t feel loved.
Again, the only way to win is not to play the game. Everything devolves to accountability.