On a scale of one to ten, Average = Five
Odds are, you are average or close to it because that’s what most people are. You probably already know you could be better than that and you really need to. Because we have reached the point at which average is no longer acceptable. This is no longer “just” about success with women, it’s about success in life. Being as attractive as possible is now as important if not more important than other factors such as education, if for no other reason than the fact that women pretty much rule the world of human resources. They are the gatekeepers of employment.
First, the foundation of becoming more attractive is learning game. There is no substitute because becoming more physically attractive is meaningless if you don’t know what to do with it. Men are attracted to youth, beauty and fertility in women within the context of submissive femininity. She may be a beautiful thing physically, but if she’s a raving bitch she isn’t attractive. Likewise, women may be attracted to the man who has the physical attributes, but only if he projects that masculine dominance and confidence they crave. They will also be attracted to him without the physical attributes as long as he projects the masculine dominance and confidence. Learn game.
News flash: The guys in the photo above are doing better than you’d think, because according to the Centers for Disease Control, 37.9 percent of adults over 20 are obese and another 32.8% are overweight. That’s a whopping 70.7% of adults over 20 years of age are either obese or overweight. Now, one might wonder what those terms mean and the CDC helpfully explains that “overweight” and “obese” are defined according to body mass index (BMI) which is essentially your weight in kilos divided by the square of your height in meters. This is actually the spot to start with, but it’s measured with a mirror, not a scale.
Unfortunately, BMI has nothing to do with bodyfat. According to the CDC’s version of healthy (which works because so very few exercise) the men in the chart below at 3% to 10% bodyfat have a good chance of qualifying as being obese. Depending on how muscular a man is, those from 10% to 24% probably qualify as “healthy” and those over 25% in the photo below are either overweight or obese according to the CDC.
The difference between being fat and having a booger hanging out of your nose is simple: Both are repulsive and both are fixable, but the booger will soon be forgotten after you get rid of it. And I know that for some, those rolls of fat represent a battle you don’t want to fight and that’s okay. For those of you who want to be a man of excellence, think of it as a booger hanging from your nose and make it disappear. Believe it or not, that isn’t nearly as difficult as you might think, it just takes discipline. If you look at the second photo of the man with the sculpted physique at 6-7% bodyfat and think you could never… you’re wrong. The problem is in your head.
Change Is Part Of Life
The one truly unchangeable thing about a man is his height, but even that can be nudged a bit in terms of perception. This is important because one of the first things people will notice about a man is his height if he’s either too tall or too short. Take a look at the distribution of heights between men and women:
Average height for a man is just over 5′ 10″ and shorter than that is a disadvantage. The thing is, you can compensate if you’re a bit less than average and you’d be amazed at how many men do this. What I’m talking about is elevator shoes, which isn’t nearly as weird as one might think. In fact, it’s the male equivalent of a push-up bra. However, this is one of those things that impacts the way other men perceive you and that had an impact on how you are treated.
Amazon has a good selection and if you’re really interested you can find other sources. Tallmenshoes sells their shoes both on Amazon and from their site. I tried a pair similar to these to see how they worked. It was odd, but I had the impression people (especially women) who know me were subconsciously trying to figure out what was different about me. They did sense a difference. For a man of less than average height, this can be a game-changer. In terms of congruence this is an all-or-nothing option, which means do it all the time or don’t do it at all. That’s something to consider because if you choose that strategy you’ll need to adjust your wardrobe, so give it some thought.
Looks and Style Go Hand In Hand
Most men are clueless in terms of style. Completely clueless. For a lot of men, one of the best investments they could make is to pay a wardrobe consultant to help develop a personal style in clothing. I’ve long thought a man needs a uniform and a man’s wardrobe should be viewed from that perspective… but over time the choices a man makes about his clothing will create a uniform. Usually the wrong one. After spending the time and energy getting your body to look good, it is stupid not to showcase it properly. I’m not talking about emulating a celebrity, I’m talking about having a wardrobe of clothing that looks good on you, with a focus on those items for everyday wear that emphasize your good points and minimize your deficiencies. Because almost everyone has deficiencies. Uniforms are used to identify and you want your uniform to identify you as a man of high value.
It is worthwhile to spend the time and find a tailor or at least a seamstress who can alter your clothing for you. It is amazing how many older women there are out there who have all the tools and plenty of experience along with a lot of time on their hands. They can often be a better choice than a professional tailor because they’re able to give more time to helping you get things right. On the down-side, their ideas about what looks right might not fit your style at all. Still, for simple things like taking in trousers or adjusting the fall of a coat, they can be invaluable.
After game… confidence, looks and style are just the starting point in terms of the competition. After that there’s provisioning capability. These days, a college degree is a very good credential to have. Unless you’re going into STEM or aiming for some professional accreditation, keep in mind that it’s just a piece of paper. With that in mind, it is insanity to borrow $50k in order to get an ‘education’ that gets you into a $15 per hour job. Go to the University of the People and get the damn degree online really cheap. Fully accredited, tuition free, the student pays a flat fee of $100 per final exam.
You Built It, Now What?
Since this is a Christian (although somewhat heterodox) blog, I’ll assume male readership is far more interested in marriage than just getting laid. The problem with finding a marital partner is rather simple: Is she attracted to you? This is a critical question because it is a fools errand to marry a woman who is not attracted to you. There are three basic litmus tests to answer the question of “is she really attracted to you?”
- Will she have sex with you?
- Will she share you (sexually) with another woman?
- Will she submit to you (obey you)?
Like it or not, the question of whether a woman will get undressed and climb in bed with a man is pretty much the litmus test of his attraction. Women will certainly object to that, but it’s the truth and their inability to play the V card is proof.
Some might think this is incorrect, but the point is attraction is determined by the women and women are attracted primarily to masculine dominance mixed with confidence and charisma and everything else comes after that. When we look at marriage as opposed to sex the provisioning ability and other traits play a much stronger role, but attraction is primarily a function of perceived masculinity, dominance and confidence. This is one reason why men who are not good looking, out of shape and otherwise real assholes are often found in the company of very attractive women. Just to remind, that graph is not based on looks, it’s her assessment of the man and his attractiveness according to his current and possibly past competition.
Muscle, Masculinity, Dominance and Status. They All Work Together
The man’s relative attractiveness is determined by the woman’s assessment of his attractiveness. First, it’s her localized assessment according to his competition, but it can include men from her past (alpha widow syndrome). A man who is considered a 9 in Southern Mississippi might not even be considered a 6 in Las Vegas or Los Angeles. Notice the following torsos are not fat. Because so many are overweight or obese these days, the amazing thing is that just being height-weight proportionate is considered attractive. On the left we have skinny, or “normal” meaning undeveloped. Not good. Next we have defined, which is better than skinny because it demonstrates some fitness. Following that we have buff, which is probably the best choice for most men. Finally, we have very muscular, which can be threatening or frightening on first impression.
Get this through your head: Women are attracted to men who have the admiration, respect and honor of other men. It’s called “status” and it’s attractive. Men know what kind of discipline it takes to stay in shape and you get respect for that, but it’s just the beginning. You have to demonstrate competence and dependability, have confidence and charisma and most of all understand loyalty and trust. It’s called being a man.
The longer I live the more it seems the vast majority never left the mentality of high school behind, so consider social dynamics in terms of high school. Learn how to fight. Learning to fight and sparring with other men will give you two things: confidence and humility. You will be submitted, you will be beat and you will learn that you aren’t all that. Which is a valuable lesson to learn, but it teaches other lessons as well. You won’t have the confident self-assurance to handle confrontations with men until you’ve been punched in the face a good number of times and learned to keep on fighting.
You don’t know what confidence is until the day you walk into a room full of people and realize that if push comes to shove, you can probably take down any of them and come out on top. And when you get to that point you should realize you have nothing to prove. It also helps to know there may be a quiet guy in that room who can kick your ass without working up a sweat, you just don’t know which one he is.
When it comes to a demonstration of high value in terms of status, being a celebrity is at the top. I highly recommend getting involved in theater for any man because the benefits are beyond compare. Read the linked post, you might learn something. Shakespeare had it right: All the world’s a stage and we are merely bit players upon it.
All other things being equal, the guy who maximizes his body, has style, a good income and tight game will be able to write his own ticket and have a far better chance of having a successful marriage. Confidence and charisma will definitely enhance both career and social life as well as marriage. You must be the man of excellence and you must be the man in control of himself, which will get you the respect and honor of other men. Game teaches that you are the prize but it’s seldom mentioned that it’s your job to make sure you’re not her consolation prize.
This is because while a woman may refuse to have sex because she isn’t that attracted to a man, there comes a point at which she would consider marrying him if he has money and a good income. Even though she isn’t attracted. The problem with that is obvious: Consider the stories about the pretty woman who married a guy for his money and cheats on him with the cabana boy… and then goes all Eat-Pray-Love, divorce rapes him, steals his stuff, alienates his children and ruins his life. But we never hear stories about the woman who is really attracted to her husband cheating on him or blowing up her family. Learn the lesson.
For men on the left side of the graph, money is a requirement. On the right side of the graph money isn’t a requirement. In the middle it depends on the mix, but this reflects the dualism of women: their desire for both the alpha dominance and the beta provisioning.
If you want to understand the dichotomy of this, play one-on-one “Fuck-Marry-Kill” with some women you know. This is best done in a place with a lot of people so there’s a good variety to choose from. In this version you each take turns picking people for the other and they have the choice of fuck them, marry them or kill them. It gets more interesting if they have to explain why and that can be eye-opening because over the course of playing the game you will learn more than you might imagine. Over time it’s impossible to conceal the truth with this game. The women will figure this out faster than you’d imagine and if she refuses to play, that should tell you something as well: the medium is the message.
Female communication emphasizes subtext. The words are important within a context that includes facial expression, posture, attitude, tone, inflection and locution. The total of all of that produces the subtext. The subtext of Fuck-Marry-Kill is the brutal truth of the feminine imperative and the dualistic sexual strategy universally described in the manosphere as “Alpha fucks and Beta bucks.” To round it out, the game has the logical inclusion of a category for any man who would not qualify AF or BB: Kill. Because if he isn’t in one of the two categories that benefit her then he may as well be dead.
Does anyone think, for even a moment, that a woman will tell a man prior to their marriage that she’s just marrying him because he has money, she’s not attracted to him, she’s never loved him and she never will? If you can imagine such a situation I’m sure the story starts with “Once upon a time” and it ends very badly for the woman. No, she will convince him she is in love with him and she will give him affection and sex (even if she has to repress her revulsion) and do what she has to do to get the magical ring that guarantees her a claim on half his assets and a half-interest in his income. After all, everyone tells us Anna Nichole married for love…
Observably, women will marry a man they wouldn’t otherwise agree to have sex with. This means that all other things being equal, a woman’s willing desire to have sex without commitment is a better indication of her attraction than anything else. Which sounds an awful lot like Toad is saying “dump her if she won’t put out by the third date.”
If she’s not a virgin and not married and you both know and understand what that means, then all other things being equal, yes, that’s more or less correct.
It’s not a sin and she should know that because otherwise you have no business wooing her. You must consider the context: She gave away her best to someone else. If you’re not good enough for her second-best, stop investing your time and look elsewhere. If she isn’t attracted enough to give you sex without a relationship “reward” but she is willing to give you sex if you reward her, her attraction to the reward is greater than her attraction to you. Look elsewhere, because the truth is that if she was attracted to you, she would want to have sex with you. For a great many men it is profoundly disturbing to learn just how willing a woman is to give men unfettered access to her body if she’s attracted to them. Most men can’t handle it and will refuse to believe it.
For those who know the truth, it is NOT amazing how often, after 20 minutes of flirting and escalating attraction, a woman will say “OK” when the attractive man drops a nuclear line like “Let’s fuck.” Disturbing is the fact that she’s more likely to say yes if she’s married… And for a Christian man this information is like the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Especially if it’s his wife and another man.
Ultimately this devolves to an issue of conscience and motivation. The women chose the game, God made the rules and you get to decide whether you’ll play or not. If your conscience is telling you that you just can’t, then you can’t. Quit complaining and find a virgin or buy a fleshlight. Or a sex robot, which appear to be getting better and better every year. If any female readers are insulted by the implications of that, keep in mind that I didn’t make the rules, God did. It was the women who chose to put themselves in that position.
If she is a virgin, as the saying goes- “you break it, you’ve bought it.” This points to the one time a woman has a moral claim on sex as an investment and God’s Word backs her up on this completely. Her virginity is an irrevocable investment in the man she chooses to give it to, for better or worse, come what will and what may. That investment can only be given to ONE man. Which brings us back to the point that if she isn’t a virgin it means she gave away her best to someone else. And 98% of the time, it isn’t so much that she gave it away as that she threw it away not knowing how valuable it was.
And not to put too fine a point on it, but consider a few pieces of data that come out of all the questions women have answered at OKCupid. The first is the well-known propensity for women to rate 80% of men’s photos as below average. The second is if one looks ONLY at women who rate themselves as “Christian and it’s important” we see that over 90% of those who answered the questions** say they must have sex prior to getting married. To top it all off, just less than 87% of the group saying they must have sex before marriage also say that in order to get married the sexual relationship must be the best they’ve ever had. Think through the implications of that. The bottom line is if the woman is a non-virgin, sex is a HUGE point of negotiation for her and a litmus test for you.
**Note this was self-selected. The women who don’t hold that position may well never answer such a question. And yet, the sample size is in the thousands.
Lover vs Provider
Again, as a non-virgin, she chose to put herself in a morally neutral position on sex and if you’ve followed my advice she’s not married and she knows there are no moral issues. If she’s not attracted enough to want you, sexually, find someone else because the desire on her part is more for your wallet than you. This is the dichotomy between the lover and the provider. You want her to be attracted to you as a lover before you make the decision to be her provider, so take provider status off the table. Be playful, be sexual. If she’s not interested you’ll both know. If there isn’t enough attraction to get to sex, move on.
Women obviously want both a lover and provider but many of them are willing to settle for just a provider… and you don’t want to be that guy. At all. But remember where this is going. You want a marriage that will withstand the cultural maelstrom in which at every turn she’s encouraged to take the money and run. You need her to be attracted to you and everything else can be built on that. Her willingness to have sex with you is just one point on the attractiveness scale, but it means you are actually on her attractiveness scale.
I have made the point, repeatedly, that in this legal environment the only safe marriage a man can arrange is a polygynous marriage. That’s because the State cannot regard it as a marriage, so no divorce, no splitting of the assets, no alimony. If one marries with a written contract all the details can be taken care of and the only thing a court can really do in the event of one of the women wanting out is to determine custody of the children. If the husband has children from all the wives then it’s far more likely he will get custody of the children. Essentially the arrangement places all the incentives on staying in the marriage and working things out rather than on blowing up the marriage in return for cash and prizes.
I’ve also stated previously that a good proxy of a man’s ability to achieve a polygynous marriage is his ability to get a threesome, because a man who can get multiple women in his bed has what it takes to get multiple women into a marriage with him. While the man’s provisioning ability has an impact on his marriage value, sex is the litmus test of attraction. Sharing him sexually is the litmus test of high attraction.
I can already hear the screams of outrage from men who want to claim that decent Christian women don’t do that! And they’re wrong. So completely wrong that it’s sad and embarrassing to hear it. The truth is that it can be easier to get two women into your bed at the same time than just one.
Be that guy who is all the way over on the right of that curve. The charming guy with a great job or business that has the respect of other men. The guy who leads an active life, is in great shape and rocks a chiseled physique with the 6-pack abs that merge into the belt of Adonis. The guy who can rule a woman (or women) with just the right mixture of alpha and beta to keep things on track for the long haul.
The real value of Athol Kay’s book “Married Man Sex Life Primer” was that it has the men create a male attraction plan (MAP) which requires that they get in shape and learn game. However, beyond that (and more importantly) it teaches that in marriage there has to be a blend of alpha and beta, which corresponds to dopamine and oxytocin. Too much alpha and not enough beta results in a lack of comfort (oxytocin) that blows it up. Too much beta and not enough alpha results in the “I love you (lots of oxytocin) but I’m not ‘in love’ with you” (not enough dopamine). With the right mix of alpha and beta, things work out just fine.
The structural problem with the Married Man Sex Life Primer is that it’s essentially a guide to fixing a problem rather than preventing a problem. The issue is familiar to anyone who has choked down the red pill, in that important people a man’s social circle won’t want to recognize the changes in him. They want to keep him in the comfortable “spot” in which they’ve classified him and that is especially true for relationships with women. It is extremely uncomfortable for many to see someone change for the better and they resist recognizing such changes. For that and many other reasons, the best choice for many men is to include a change of location in their plans. A new environment with new associates and friends who perceive him to be what he is, not what he was.
Change Is Not Easy- For Both You And Others
The remarkable inability of people to change and the resistance to change is an opportunity. I doubt one in a hundred of my readers would try, but the goal is to be in the top 6% and an average man has the capacity to do that. The problem is when you start to change others will be affected by those changes. Many of them will not like it and you will be greeted with resistance from some because your improvement changes the dynamic of the relationship. Ultimately it’s about them losing power because you’ve improved. Never forget that.
The Christian community is particularly bad about being intolerant of anyone making changes to increase their attractiveness. I addressed that in a separate post because it’s such a hold-over from ancient times regarding the hatred for all things sexual, especially sexual attraction or pleasure.
One of the things the PUA community will tell a man is he needs to go out and bang a dozen women in order to get rid of his issues with “oneitis” and see them as the interchangeable commodity they are. Women scream they are not interchangeable but arguably, they are. What, specifically, do modern women bring to a relationship other than a vagina? Then come the screams about morality, ironically from a group in which 80% are living in adultery.
As to the morality, note that the advice isn’t to go deflower a dozen virgins. The women chose to roll around in the gutter and there are consequences. And, that’s actually not my advice because there are other ways to get rid of oneitis. Self improvement is part of that because it will bring with it a much different perspective. Your goal, however, should be to shoot for the top 6%. Almost any average man can move himself into the top 6% within a few years if he is willing to do the work necessary. The man really doesn’t need to hurry because a few years of investment will pay huge dividends and there is a new crop of women coming along every year.
One thing that chart doesn’t reflect is a man’s control of his time, which is power. We can all think of men who earn a lot of money but have no control over their time. For some it’s a labor of love (I know doctors who fall in this category) and for others it’s a modern day form of slavery. Then there are those who have very little other than control of their time. In the middle, think of the man who is sufficiently independent that he can take time off when he desires (within reason) without threatening his income. Further up the scale is the man with passive income that doesn’t require his time. That level of independence translates to freedom and power. That too is attractive.
At the end of the day, the combination of a man’s masculinity, competence, confidence, charisma, dependability and personal character will determine how he is perceived by the world around him. And that will help determine how attractive he is to women. The fact is, it’s easier for many successful men to get married to a woman than it is to just get her to have sex with him. And that’s a difficult pill for a lot of guys to swallow, because it points to the fact that women will marry men they aren’t that attracted to (don’t really “love”) and it happens far more often than one might think. The truth is, most men are not attractive to women. The average guy is a five and he’s invisible to women who are a six or better.
And maybe you’re thinking “Why would I want that?” The answer is it doesn’t matter whether you do or don’t want multiple women bouncing around in your bed, what matters is for you to be of such high value that they would if you wanted them to. Because you’re that attractive to women. Like it or not, that’s just about your only defense against divorce in a world gone mad.
As a rule women do not want to end a relationship with a man to whom they are highly attracted.
God gave women a desire to be ruled by a man who is fit to rule her. Be the man women desire to rule them.
If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for her because it’s what she needs.
If not for her, do it for your children because they’re depending on you to hold the family together and protect them from their mother’s hypergamy.
If you’re too lazy or selfish to be bothered, hopefully you’ll die childless and won’t pass on those genes.