Occasionally we see something interesting, like the popularity of the “50 Shades of Grey” novels and movie. While it can’t be denied that the entire thing is a feminist fantasy of the woman taming her alpha, why did it generate such a fascination with Dominance/submission relationships? There is obviously a desire to claim women are a lot more kinky than anyone would believe, but that isn’t it.
Are Women Confused?
Recently the subject of a Dominant/submissive relationship came up and a woman of my acquaintance said:
I don’t believe in obeying a man. I do believe in respecting him. And because of that, would try to do as he wishes. But I would still retain my right to choose.
To be honest, I do fall into that group of women that prefers to let the man be in charge. But I do not choose to be with somebody who wants to exert complete control and will not allow me to have a voice. But I would not play a submissive to anyone’s dominant. That’s just not me. But I enjoyed reading about it. More in a voyeuristic role. (Referencing 50 Shades)
Notice the complete incoherence of that statement. She prefers the man to be in charge, but doesn’t want to obey him. She would try to do as he wishes but refuses to accept any authority on his part to tell her what to do. In other words, she reserves the right to do as she damn well pleases and probably expects him to pick up the pieces afterward. But it isn’t that simple.
On further investigation, she was married to multiple cringe-worthy men who she rapidly became disgusted with. It’s no surprise the marriages fell apart, but there are two sides of this, his behavior and her behavior.
“I do not choose to be with somebody who wants to exert complete control and will not allow me to have a voice.”
That word “wants” is critical. The fact he “wants” it means he doesn’t have it. She didn’t believe he was worthy of it so she didn’t give it to him. Part of the problem is this attitude represents women who settled for a man they were not attracted to, part of it is that she cannot separate the man from the rank. We don’t salute the man, we salute the rank.
This conflation of the man with the rank is exemplified by marriage today in the refusal of women to recognize that the husband’s rank is superior to that of the wife. Very much like officers and enlisted, no matter how “high” the wife’s rank might rise to be, she will never outrank her husband because husband is always superior to wife.
The problem is the legal system has been altered to change the rank system and put the wife in a superior position to her husband. This is part of the reason we see marriages blowing up everywhere and most women are miserable in their marriage. This is easily observable.
Modern Marriage Emasculates Men
I’ve written enough about socially imposed monogamous marriage and the fact that today, polygyny is a better deal for both the men and the women so I won’t make the point again here. While one problem with marriage today is that it’s monogamous and gives the woman a monopoly over her husband that creates boredom and frustration, the problem is much greater.
The legal structure of modern marriage and the power the state has over marriage is designed to put women in the power position and give them great power over their husband to the point of emasculating him. Like children, women claim to want this power in the same way that children want lots of candy. And, like a steady diet of candy, over time it’s disgusting and makes the women sick.
Women (as a group) don’t want to give up their power over marriage and their ability to divorce-rape men, but at the same time they want a dominant masculine man. This should be looked at in the same way that women might think that abortion is horrible, but they don’t want the option taken off the table because they might need it one day. Those are mutually incompatible desires, so what can they do? They look for some kind of relationship in which they can get the kind of man they really want.
The Fascination With Dom/sub Relationships
Women will do amazing things for a man they are highly attracted to, but what happens when they live in a culture in which they don’t encounter attractive men? A culture in which the women are participating in the process of destroying any masculinity boys and young men might develop? Just because the dominant men are rare doesn’t mean women stop wanting them. The only question is what they’re willing to pay to get one.
It appears the fundamental desire women have for dominant, masculine men is being channeled into what we’d think of as kink. They look around and don’t see any masculine men so they think they should get into a Dom/sub relationship.
A Dom/sub relationship is a modern
facsimile of a Biblical marriage.
The institution of marriage has been wrecked by the false doctrine of equalism, the idea that men and women are equal. What is the hallmark of a Dom/sub relationship? Inequality. There is equity, but the sub is not the Dom’s equal and that is the foundation of the relationship dynamic. In fact, there are four critical points of a Dom/sub relationship.
- The Dom (man) controls the relationship, meaning he has complete responsibility.
- Within the framework of Dom/sub, the rules are negotiable in the beginning.
- Both the Dom and sub have rights and responsibilities within the relationship.
- There is no outside person or entity with authority over the relationship.
The feminist empowerment fantasy of “50 Shades of Grey” is wrapped in kink, but it derives its power from the fact that after marriage a divorce court could give Anastasia half of everything Christian owns and order him to pay millions each year in child support. The moment a marriage occurred, the Dom/sub relationship in which Christian was the Dom ended and Anastasia became the Dominant one with the power of the State behind her. The truth is “50 Shades” is not about Dom/sub, it’s about the woman taming her alpha, bending him and breaking him to her will.
Is it wrong for women to be looking for something like that? If feminism were correct, wouldn’t women be happy to enter marriages in which they have the power to break their husband’s balls? As it turns out, the fascination with D/s relationships is truly ironic because the standards for marriage drawn from the Bible look amazingly like a Dom/sub contract, minus the kink.
Rules For the Biblical
Dom/sub Relationship Called Marriage:
- The act of penetrative sexual intercourse is required to begin the relationship. If the woman is a virgin sex automatically begins the relationship. If she is not a virgin but otherwise eligible, she must agree to the relationship prior to the sex initiating the relationship.
- The commitment standard of the man is permanent, which means that once given he cannot rescind his commitment (regardless of her behavior). His commitment is non-exclusive, which means that at his discretion he may bring other women into the relationship at any time.
- The commitment standard of the woman is permanent and she is bound to her man for as long as he lives. Her commitment is exclusive, which means that he is her one and only. No-one can have two masters.
- The relationship between the man and women is one of master-servant, or ruler-subject. The man is to rule his women and has complete authority over them, over every aspect of their lives, in everything.
- The man is required to love his women. This love is defined as holding them accountable for good behavior and requiring their obedience. When they transgress he is required to rebuke and discipline them.
- Part of this accountability is his obligation to review any and every agreement she makes with others. If he desires he may say nothing and let it stand but if he does not like it he is to forbid it in the day he hears of it.
- The woman is to submit to her man in everything, no exceptions. Her submission is not dependent on her opinion of his behavior or his actual behavior.
- If the man is displaying bad behavior the woman is to submit to him without a word and win him over with her quiet and chaste conduct.
- Sex is to be on demand and the woman’s body belongs to the man. Likewise, the man is to ensure that the women’s sexual needs are met.
- Sexual activity such as masturbation, oral, vaginal or anal is all at the discretion of the man.
- The woman is required to live with her man in order that he might meet his responsibility to hold her accountable for her behavior.
- If the woman chooses to violate requirement #11 and leave her man, she is to remain single (chaste) or be reconciled to her man.
- If the woman has left her man in violation of these rules, she still retains the right of return. If she returns in complete submission to him, the man is required to accept her return to the relationship and cannot refuse to be reconciled to her.
- The women are not required to love their man but they are required to respect him, obey him and submit to him.
- Women are encouraged to call their man “Master” without being frightened by any fear.
- As part of the women’s requirement to respect their man, it is appropriate to treat him as if they were enlisted persons and he was a commissioned officer. Call him “Sir” and be respectful in language and posture, as well as giving an appropriate “salute” such as a bow of the head or kiss on the cheek when that is appropriate.
- Women are owned by their man and required to remain faithful to him, although masturbation and sexual activity with other women are allowed at his discretion.
- The man may have sex with any woman outside the relationship that he is eligible to marry, except for prostitutes.
- The women must not have vaginal intercourse while they are menstruating.
- Vaginal intercourse is forbidden following childbirth for a period of 40 days if the child was a boy and 80 days for a girl.
- Any other rules are negotiable or at the discretion of the husband.
NB: Yes, those really are the rules and yes, the Bible really does say that. I changed some wording around, but the meaning was not tampered with at all.