When Being A Ruler Isn’t Enough

One of the game-haters recently asked a question that deserves a response.

Hey Toad go and see if those same women who mocked and laughed at me will submit to their husbands if they lost their jobs, status, wealth, power, good looks etc…go on I dare ya

His question concerns the attractive women who aren’t aware he exists (or have him automatically assigned to their friendzone).  The tragic part is we have a man who is mocked and laughed at by the objects of his desire, but he rejects the one thing that could and probably would turn his life around.  So, he asks, what happens when the husbands of these attractive women  lose their jobs, status, wealth, power, good looks, etc.?

What he doesn’t say is important and the question demonstrates his false belief that the attractive women he’s interested in are only attracted to peripheral stuff and not the man.  This is similar to asking women what they’re attracted to in men and being told that they like nice guys who are honest, kind, never cheat and always play fair.  The women tell him he should “just be himself” and everything will be fine.  But there’s something missing here.

Confident, masculine dominance was not on his list because he refuses to acknowledge that women are attracted to confident, dominant masculinity.  Probably because those are words no-one would use to describe him.  Neither does he want to acknowledge that a man can lose it all and still have the dominant, masculine confidence that women admire and are attracted to.  And what does the study of game teach?  It teaches masculine dominance.

When a man gets wiped out, if his woman was attracted to him she’ll probably stick around.  If it was his status, wealth, power, good looks, etc., that she was really attracted to, then she probably won’t.  And it’s to that point that I’ve been speaking when I counsel that a man needs to make sure the woman is attracted to him and not his wallet.  Sure, the Dubai Porta-Potties exist, but whores have always existed.

However, sometimes relationships don’t work out even when everything is working.


David Was Fit To Rule, But Even He Had Problems

King David was a man’s man and he was the King.  When we talk about “alpha” it doesn’t get any more alpha than David.  He had wealth, fame, power, status, looks and the honor of men.  He was anointed by God to be the King over Israel and Judah.  King Saul gave David his daughter Michal as his wife after David single-handedly killed 100 Philistines and brought Saul their foreskins to prove he’d done it.  When David’s position got bad and he had to flee from Saul, Michal sided with her husband and helped him escape.  David made his escape into the country and men gathered to him because he was a leader of men, but his wife Michal stayed behind.

The Bible doesn’t explain why Saul did it, but while David was in the wilderness Saul gave his daughter Michal (David’s wife) to a man named Paltiel to be his wife.  After Saul died David became King over Israel but Saul’s son Ishbothesh became king over Israel.  David demanded that Michal be returned to him as a requirement before he would even listen to any messages from Ishbothesh. David was King over Judah when he was reunited with his wife Michal.

After the civil war was over and David had consolidated the Kingdom (becoming King over both Israel and Judah), he brought the ark of the covenant back and was singing and dancing before the Lord as it came into Jerusalem.  When Michal saw David dancing before the Lord in a linen tunic, she despised him.  Later, she mocked him.  David’s response was to put he away.  He provided for her but Scripture records that she had no children.   She despised him.  Another way of saying that is she held him in contempt.

I’ve had anklebiters claim that Michal was justified in despising her husband because David “violated” his marriage to her by taking multiple other wives and concubines while he was out fighting against her father.  No, that was not only his right, but she had zero expectation of being his one and only because polygyny was common and her own father proved that.  He certainly didn’t limit himself to one woman.  The point is we will never know why Michal despised him in her heart, but she did.  She held him in contempt.  What did David do?  “Next!”  He put her away and never gave her any children.  He provided for her, but she was cut off from that point on.


What If Your Wife Decides To Leave?

Like David, you go on with your life.  That’s what David did, and that’s what you’ll have to do too.  In a nutshell, the best and wisest thing a man can do is Let Her Go.   No begging, no pleading, no bargaining.  Let her go.   We don’t see David trying to “repair the relationship” but at the same time we don’t see any record of Michal sincerely apologizing to David for her disrespect and dishonor.  We don’t see any record of her repentance and David went on with his life.

The question is, how does that work?  What does God have to say about this?  What about the legal system and the man’s responsibilities?   This will go to divorce court, so how does that work?  Churchians get bent out of shape about what God has to say about divorce but 99% of them don’t understand at all.   There is a status issue involved with divorce because Slaves have Masters and their Masters can require things that the Law does not require.

1.  For those who are not Christians a wife is bound to her husband for as long as he lives, but if she commits adultery he may divorce her.  The subject of divorce opens a can of worms because most have no idea what Scripture actually means.  The central point of the instruction of Jesus in Matthew 5:31-32 (repeated in Matthew 19:9) is that God will not accept an illegitimate divorce. Consider what Jesus said in verse 32, which cannot mean what it appears to mean:

whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery

MOSES permitted a man to divorce his wife (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) and the divorced woman was thereby unbound from her husband and free to remarry another man (but could not ever return to her original husband).  Was the legitimately divorced woman committing adultery when she remarried?  No.  Was the man who married her committing adultery?  No.  Why?  Divorce was the official procedure by which the woman was unbound from her husband and thus able to legitimately marry another man without committing adultery. The certificate of divorce testified to the fact she was divorced and able to remarry.

JESUS taught that marital unfaithfulness (sexual immorality) was the only acceptable reason for divorce that God would honor and any woman who was divorced by her husband for any other reason was not legitimately divorced, she was still married.  According to God’s Law, no woman has the authority to divorce her husband for any reason, so any so-called “divorce” by the woman is illegitimate.

GOD said that adultery requires a married woman (Leviticus 18:20; 20:10).  According to Jesus, if the man divorces his wife for any reason other than (“except for”) adultery, the divorce is illegitimate, the woman is still his wife and if she has sex with another man she commits adultery.  If a man marries such a woman who has been illegitimately divorced, he commits adultery.  Because God will not accept an illegitimate divorce.

THEREFORE, if Jesus taught that marrying ANY and EVERY divorced woman caused a man to commit adultery, then Jesus was guilty of adding to or subtracting from the Law, which is a sin (Deuteronomy 4:2; 12:32).  Since obviously Jesus didn’t sin, He can only have been referring to illegitimately divorced women in verse 32 above.  Those who claim Jesus taught that a marriage to ANY and EVERY divorced woman is adultery are claiming Jesus sinned, was not a perfect sacrifice and could not have been the Messiah.  Which means they are idiots.


2.  For a Christian married to a Christian, Christ gave His instruction at 1st Corinthians 7:10-11.  Wives are not to leave their husband (they have no authority to divorce), but if they do they are to remain single (chaste) or be reconciled to their husband.  There are no grounds for a Christian wife to divorce her Christian husband no matter what he does and 1st Peter 3:1-2 is clear on this issue:

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

Christian husbands are forbidden to divorce their Christian wives for any reason with no exceptions.   She might betray him, leave him and turn into a raging whore, walk into the courts of this world and “divorce” him, steal his children and alienate them from him, emotionally rape him, destroy him financially and use the police power of the State to force him to pay her for decades, possibly for life.

Those husbands who are under the Law have the right to divorce their wife if she commits adultery.  The Risen Lord Jesus Christ issued a ruling for His slaves that require their marriage standard to be the original standard of Genesis 2:24, which means no divorce.  As He said in Matthew 19, “what therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”  The Christian man is married to his Christian wife for life, no exceptions, til death do they part.

Does this mean a wife can sentence her husband to celibacy by leaving him or refusing (in violation of the command at 1st Corinthians 7:3-5) to have sex with him?  No, a man is authorized to have more than one wife and that has not changed.  So what if she bails out?  That’s on her head.  She uses the legal system against you.  That too is on her head.  Do the best you can.  You wifed it up, deal with it.


3.  For a Christian married to an unbeliever, the rules are the same as if they were married to a believer, but if the unbeliever leaves them they are free.  This instruction was given by Paul at 1st Corinthians 7:12-15 and it represents a ground-breaking new development in one area: a Christian woman can be freed from her marriage without being divorced for her adultery or by becoming a widow.  Previously (under the Law) a woman could only be unbound (divorced) if she committed adultery.  This instruction allows a Christian husband or wife to be unbound from their spouse if they are abandoned, which means (in the wife’s case) she was not at fault by committing adultery.

This raises a GIANT question.

The Christian wife is commanded not to separate from her husband (that prohibition includes emotional as well as physical separation), but if she does separate (for whatever reason) she is to remain single (chaste) or be reconciled to her husband (not her “ex-husband”).    The Christian husband is commanded not to aphiémi his wife (send his wife away, divorce her).  For two married Christians, there is no divorce and there are no exceptions.  But, what if one of the so-called “Christian” spouses abandons the other?

Is the one who leaves (in violation of Scripture) really a Christian?

This is only critical in the case of an abandoned woman because a man can have more than one wife.  In the case of our modern “unintended” marriages in which the foolish virgin (who was lied to and told sex doesn’t make her married) gives her virginity to a man not understanding that with that act she marries him.  If her father cannot forbid that marriage (he’s dead, unavailable or unwilling) and the man is a Christian, obviously that man cannot divorce her for her adultery (and it’s almost guaranteed she’s had sex with other men, which means she committed adultery).

Christian husbands are commanded to live with their wives in an understanding way (1st Peter 3:7), which requires that the Christian husband live with his wife.  The husband is commanded in Ephesians 5:25-27 to love his wife as Christ loved His church.  These are very serious commands that cut to the heart of Christian living.

1st John 2:3-6 says

By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments.  The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him

When this Christian woman who was married to that man when she gave him her virginity approaches him and he refuses to do his duty as her husband, where does that leave her?  The question is whether that man is even a Christian.  If he were a non-Christian he can give her a certificate of divorce for her adultery and she is no longer bound.  However, can a Christian husband refuse to release her from her marriage to him and at the same time refuse to obey the commandments to live with her, love her and provide for her?  No.  He’s proving that he’s a liar when he claims to be a Christian and he’s abandoned her, which means she’s free.

And what about the Christian woman who is deceived by the feminist churchian rulers of her church and taught lies?  She leaves her husband thinking she has grounds to do so and uses the court system to abuse him, causing great damage.  If, in the day she learns she is wrong and returns to him in humble repentance, what if he refuses to reconcile himself to her?  He is commanded to love her as Christ loved His church.   Does Christ ever turn His back on a repentant sinner who comes to Him and asks for forgiveness?  No.

The bottom line is that if you’re married you’re called to stay together, but the only person you have control over is you.  If your spouse decides to destroy the marriage, they not only can but probably will.  There is no magic bullet, no legal argument, no nothing.  If they decide to thumb their nose at God, they will.  Go on with your life.


Let Them Go

In the case of a wife who left, no good will come of trying to “win her back” because every effort will only make matters worse.  The one exception is this:  She must know that if she decides to return she may do so, but only in repentance.

In the case of a husband who left, a wife should sincerely ask him why he left and what she can do to change herself so that she’s pleasing to him.  This might get a totally unacceptable and offensive response (to her) such as “lose weight and stop being a bitch” but in general, by the time a man has had it and he leaves, he’s done.  I say the wife should do this because the vast majority would refuse.  Of those who did, the vast majority would not change.

There are many who claim to be Christians but are uninterested in what God desires of them.

There are things a man can do to change the dynamic of his relationships, but it is not easy because:

The one who cares the least about the relationship will always have the most power over the relationship and within it.

This is wisdom that few can hear, but the truth of this can be observed in all walks of life.  You must begin with the end in mind because some things can only be done or established in the beginning.


Begin With The End In Mind

It is often fatal to attempt to change the dynamic of a relationship after it is begun, so you should proceed as you began or end it.  This requires knowledge and wisdom in order to know what is desired.  You have heard it said that one should always consider the cost before you begin:

“For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it?  Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’”

Answering the question of whether you have enough to pay the cost does not answer the question of whether it is a cost you are willing to pay or whether what you receive in return for that payment will be worth it.  This is of critical importance when the subject is marriage.   Did you study?  Did you diligently seek wisdom?  Have you not read that:

while I was still searching but not finding: I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all.

Again, it is written

Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, for she is only a woman.

And yet the fools of this generation look for “the one” and expect her to be upright and virtuous while alone, for the fools do not understand what teacher also said:

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.



This entry was posted in Churchianity, Marriage, Messages to a young man. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to When Being A Ruler Isn’t Enough

  1. anglosaxon says:

    “I say the wife should do this because the vast majority would refuse. Of those who did, the vast majority would not change.”

    Are you talking about the man, the woman, or both?

    • “I say the wife should do this”.

      There is an old saying on this side of the pond… “A man marries a woman hoping she’ll never change, a woman marries a man hoping she can change him.”

      This is laughed off as folk wisdom and it’s often perceived as funny, but the truth is it’s an acknowledgement of the fact women almost always settle for a man who isn’t what they really want. In other words, he is her consolation prize. She will never tell him that, but she’s out to “fix” him.

      The man marries the most attractive woman he can get, hoping she’ll stay attractive. It’s so bad nowadays that all she has to do is be sweet, not say no and not get fat in order to have a husband who is satisfied with her.

      • anglosaxon says:

        “It’s so bad nowadays that all she has to do is be sweet, not say no and not get fat in order to have a husband who is satisfied with her.”

        At the same time most women seem unhappy with the men they end up with because there is so little testosterone in the West today. A friend invited me to a meet up/book study for Christian men here in England and the male specimens there have so little dominance or confidence! One of them was a pastor and he could hardly keep eye contact with me and kept darting his hand across his face. I feel for his wife! One of the men (or males) was saying that he has equality with his wife and neither dominates the other. I can guarantee you that guy never gets anal… He took issue with me saying how at church women dominate which means the services and everything else is very feminine which results in lots of misery. There was a lot of telling men to ‘man up’ and fix all the problems but at the same time we need to have equality and gives lots of room for female influence. Lots of inconsistency!

        “She will never tell him that, but she’s out to “fix” him.” I always wondered why women want to fix/change men so much when men want to keep women in stasis, this explains it. It’s because most men don’t have any balls and women are trying to fix them, problem is they’re not the right ones to do it.

  2. SnapperTrx says:

    “King Saul gave David his daughter Michal as his wife after David single-handedly killed 100 Philistines and brought Saul their foreskins to prove he’d done it.”

    Now that’s a party favor I want no part of.

    I will give my full support for this post. I will tell any man who reads it and finds himself in the situation of accepting a wayward wife back: DO NOT GIVE AN INCH. The moment you welcome her back in is the linch pin of your relationship going forward. If you bat an eye, if you show any sign of letting her walk over you then she will, and she will live forever feeling justified at her wayward activity. You MUST stand strong and firm. Make requirements, do not let her walk back in without understanding her wrongdoing and making requirements for anything beyond your most basic of care. Food. Check. Clothing. Check. Shelter and transportation. Check. You want any ‘perks’ beyond that, yeah, that’s going to cost your complete and unquestioning obedience.

    Don’t act as if your missing out on something because your not. Do not be like me and find out too late that you still have plenty of life and adventure in front of you. Your woman is only a guest along for the ride, and she can get off the ride whenever she wants, but you don’t have to stop because of her. You can always pick up another guest or two along the way.

    Or worse, don’t be that dumb sap, that utter f*ckin’ moron who decides he can’t live without her and ends his life, well before it should be over. That man is an idiot and a coward, but is far too common in todays day and age, when men are fed the poison that all they have to live for is to satisfy their wives. Just don’t.

  3. Renee Harris says:

    Can you write a post about how to write a marriage covenant and what part a woman can ask to put in it?

  4. kratos75 says:

    *One of the game-haters*……you seem to be obsessed about game?
    Isn’t “game’s” end goal the aquisition of pussy? I mean we can couch it in softer less offensive terms but the true end result of game is the pursuit of women using subtle, deceptive tactics to convince them to have sex with us?
    I thought the main goal in life is serving Christ and reaching others with the gospel. ….why are we obsessed in chasing women? Isn’t that idolatry?

    Also why do you make your posts so personal? You seem to despise those who ate not into “game” and you use the exact same belittling and shame tactics that feminists use when they attack men…..
    Re your digs that the guy you’re referring to must be rejected by “attractive women” or that he’s not getting laid etc…..how do you know that? Why make it personal?

    Also, why is it your goal to pursue only attractive women? Shouldn’t your first priority be to find a GODLY woman?

    I hope you take my questions seriously and give me some answers here…..hopefully I will not be the target of your vitriol in your next blog piece. …let’s keep this Christ centred and honoring to God, thank you

    • Kratos

      “using subtle, deceptive tactics”

      Obviously you are not familiar with Game, how it works or what it does.

      “I thought the main goal in life is serving Christ and reaching others with the gospel. ….why are we obsessed in chasing women? Isn’t that idolatry?… Also, why is it your goal to pursue only attractive women? Shouldn’t your first priority be to find a GODLY woman?”

      Even more obviously, you are not familiar with this blog. As I’ve stated before, I’m not here to tell you about Jesus. You’ve either got Him in your heart or you don’t. This is the one little spot where you can learn about what the Bible actually says about sexual morality. No lies, just what the Bible actually says.

      What you call an “obsession” others call wisdom. Choosing a wife (or wives) is the most important decision a man can make, after choosing who his master will be. Do you believe the testimony of Scripture? The teacher said:

      while I was still searching but not finding: I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all.

      Scripture is telling us that we are not going to find a GODLY woman, they’re all a little more or a little less godly than the next one. I don’t know about you, but given a choice, I prefer more attractive women over less attractive women just like women prefer a more attractive man over a less attractive man. No, that isn’t idolatry.

      “Also why do you make your posts so personal? You seem to despise those who ate not into “game” and you use the exact same belittling and shame tactics that feminists use when they attack men…..”

      When SJW churchian types start screeching, calling me a liar and make things up, I respond in kind. It’s the only thing they understand, actually. If you read through this blog you’ll find that anyone is free to challenge me on anything I’ve written and numerous commenters have made it a hobby to do so. The standard is simple: what does Scripture actually say? What does it mean? Some of the regular commenters (Mycroft comes to mind) and I are somewhat rude to each other, but we’ve grown into that position. In general though, commenters can ask me anything, just as you’re doing now. You made a calm and (almost) rational approach and asked reasonable questions (for a churchian) and you’ll notice that I’m responding in a calm and rational manner.

      We can agree to disagree and one of the things we’d probably disagree with is what constitutes acceptable masculinity in the modern church. I most certainly belittle and shame the individuals who support and/or participate in teaching the doctrines that work toward the destruction of marriages. I will continue to do so. We’ll probably disagree on that too, but I can’t be like Jesus and physically throw them out, so I do the best I can.

      “Re your digs that the guy you’re referring to must be rejected by “attractive women” or that he’s not getting laid etc…..how do you know that? Why make it personal? “

      If you look at the quote, you will see that is how he described himself and I did not mention anything about him not getting laid. You added that. As it so happens, Cybersith1’s second comment got him off to a bad start and he didn’t get any better. Walk into my house and kick the crippled kid playing happily in the corner and you can expect to get stepped on. Yet, he made no apologies for being a prick. In following comments he passed way beyond the bounds of polite disagreement, got very personal and finally got himself banned. He proved he was not tall enough for this ride.

      Did you manage to miss that part? No matter.

      This blog is just like real life. Act like an adult, get treated like an adult. Act like an idiot and you’ll strain my patience. Continue acting like an idiot and I’ll treat you like an idiot. Act nasty and make it personal and you’ll get treated rather rudely. Having made it personal it will get personal. This is a very Biblical concept that was stated as “an eye for an eye, tooth for tooth and blow for blow” and it can be summed up as “let the punishment fit the crime.”

      Oh, one other thing. I’m a complete asshole. I make that point to save others the effort of doing so. I’m also a polygynist. I do appreciate your misplaced concern about my manners, but I run this blog as best I see fit.

      And not to put too fine a point on it, but some folks are rather disingenuous when it comes to their ideas about intellectual honesty. After years of dealing with it, I don’t have a lot of patience for it.

    • anglosaxon says:

      “Christ centred and honoring to God” What does this mean specifically? I’ve heard the phrase Christ centered a lot but it’s so vague. It sounds nice, but it’s meaningless to me. It’s similar to when people say ‘give the glory to God’. It’s a great way of sounding pious without actually saying anything.

      If you’re looking for a Godly woman, you will be looking a long time. I used to have very high standards as well but now they’re a lot lower because those high standards don’t match reality. Right now it’s she must be a Christian and not be a total psycho but beyond that I’m pretty flexible.

      Why is it wrong to prefer an attractive woman? That’s like saying it’s wrong to prefer a more attractive painting over a less attractive one or prefer listening to good music over listening to Nicki Minaj. You’re essentially saying liking beauty for beautys’ sake is wrong!

      I don’t see how helping men to actually get wives and make babies is idolatry seeing as that’s literally the first recorded command God gave man.

  5. Pingback: Strategy For Men of the West: Polygyny | Toad's Hall

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