One of the game-haters recently asked a question that deserves a response.
Hey Toad go and see if those same women who mocked and laughed at me will submit to their husbands if they lost their jobs, status, wealth, power, good looks etc…go on I dare ya
His question concerns the attractive women who aren’t aware he exists (or have him automatically assigned to their friendzone). The tragic part is we have a man who is mocked and laughed at by the objects of his desire, but he rejects the one thing that could and probably would turn his life around. So, he asks, what happens when the husbands of these attractive women lose their jobs, status, wealth, power, good looks, etc.?
What he doesn’t say is important and the question demonstrates his false belief that the attractive women he’s interested in are only attracted to peripheral stuff and not the man. This is similar to asking women what they’re attracted to in men and being told that they like nice guys who are honest, kind, never cheat and always play fair. The women tell him he should “just be himself” and everything will be fine. But there’s something missing here.
Confident, masculine dominance was not on his list because he refuses to acknowledge that women are attracted to confident, dominant masculinity. Probably because those are words no-one would use to describe him. Neither does he want to acknowledge that a man can lose it all and still have the dominant, masculine confidence that women admire and are attracted to. And what does the study of game teach? It teaches masculine dominance.
When a man gets wiped out, if his woman was attracted to him she’ll probably stick around. If it was his status, wealth, power, good looks, etc., that she was really attracted to, then she probably won’t. And it’s to that point that I’ve been speaking when I counsel that a man needs to make sure the woman is attracted to him and not his wallet. Sure, the Dubai Porta-Potties exist, but whores have always existed.
However, sometimes relationships don’t work out even when everything is working.
David Was Fit To Rule, But Even He Had Problems
King David was a man’s man and he was the King. When we talk about “alpha” it doesn’t get any more alpha than David. He had wealth, fame, power, status, looks and the honor of men. He was anointed by God to be the King over Israel and Judah. King Saul gave David his daughter Michal as his wife after David single-handedly killed 100 Philistines and brought Saul their foreskins to prove he’d done it. When David’s position got bad and he had to flee from Saul, Michal sided with her husband and helped him escape. David made his escape into the country and men gathered to him because he was a leader of men, but his wife Michal stayed behind.
The Bible doesn’t explain why Saul did it, but while David was in the wilderness Saul gave his daughter Michal (David’s wife) to a man named Paltiel to be his wife. After Saul died David became King over Israel but Saul’s son Ishbothesh became king over Israel. David demanded that Michal be returned to him as a requirement before he would even listen to any messages from Ishbothesh. David was King over Judah when he was reunited with his wife Michal.
After the civil war was over and David had consolidated the Kingdom (becoming King over both Israel and Judah), he brought the ark of the covenant back and was singing and dancing before the Lord as it came into Jerusalem. When Michal saw David dancing before the Lord in a linen tunic, she despised him. Later, she mocked him. David’s response was to put he away. He provided for her but Scripture records that she had no children. She despised him. Another way of saying that is she held him in contempt.
I’ve had anklebiters claim that Michal was justified in despising her husband because David “violated” his marriage to her by taking multiple other wives and concubines while he was out fighting against her father. No, that was not only his right, but she had zero expectation of being his one and only because polygyny was common and her own father proved that. He certainly didn’t limit himself to one woman. The point is we will never know why Michal despised him in her heart, but she did. She held him in contempt. What did David do? “Next!” He put her away and never gave her any children. He provided for her, but she was cut off from that point on.
What If Your Wife Decides To Leave?
Like David, you go on with your life. That’s what David did, and that’s what you’ll have to do too. In a nutshell, the best and wisest thing a man can do is Let Her Go. No begging, no pleading, no bargaining. Let her go. We don’t see David trying to “repair the relationship” but at the same time we don’t see any record of Michal sincerely apologizing to David for her disrespect and dishonor. We don’t see any record of her repentance and David went on with his life.
The question is, how does that work? What does God have to say about this? What about the legal system and the man’s responsibilities? This will go to divorce court, so how does that work? Churchians get bent out of shape about what God has to say about divorce but 99% of them don’t understand at all. There is a status issue involved with divorce because Slaves have Masters and their Masters can require things that the Law does not require.
1. For those who are not Christians a wife is bound to her husband for as long as he lives, but if she commits adultery he may divorce her. The subject of divorce opens a can of worms because most have no idea what Scripture actually means. The central point of the instruction of Jesus in Matthew 5:31-32 (repeated in Matthew 19:9) is that God will not accept an illegitimate divorce. Consider what Jesus said in verse 32, which cannot mean what it appears to mean:
whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery
MOSES permitted a man to divorce his wife (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) and the divorced woman was thereby unbound from her husband and free to remarry another man (but could not ever return to her original husband). Was the legitimately divorced woman committing adultery when she remarried? No. Was the man who married her committing adultery? No. Why? Divorce was the official procedure by which the woman was unbound from her husband and thus able to legitimately marry another man without committing adultery. The certificate of divorce testified to the fact she was divorced and able to remarry.
JESUS taught that marital unfaithfulness (sexual immorality) was the only acceptable reason for divorce that God would honor and any woman who was divorced by her husband for any other reason was not legitimately divorced, she was still married. According to God’s Law, no woman has the authority to divorce her husband for any reason, so any so-called “divorce” by the woman is illegitimate.
GOD said that adultery requires a married woman (Leviticus 18:20; 20:10). According to Jesus, if the man divorces his wife for any reason other than (“except for”) adultery, the divorce is illegitimate, the woman is still his wife and if she has sex with another man she commits adultery. If a man marries such a woman who has been illegitimately divorced, he commits adultery. Because God will not accept an illegitimate divorce.
THEREFORE, if Jesus taught that marrying ANY and EVERY divorced woman caused a man to commit adultery, then Jesus was guilty of adding to or subtracting from the Law, which is a sin (Deuteronomy 4:2; 12:32). Since obviously Jesus didn’t sin, He can only have been referring to illegitimately divorced women in verse 32 above. Those who claim Jesus taught that a marriage to ANY and EVERY divorced woman is adultery are claiming Jesus sinned, was not a perfect sacrifice and could not have been the Messiah. Which means they are idiots.
2. For a Christian married to a Christian, Christ gave His instruction at 1st Corinthians 7:10-11. Wives are not to leave their husband (they have no authority to divorce), but if they do they are to remain single (chaste) or be reconciled to their husband. There are no grounds for a Christian wife to divorce her Christian husband no matter what he does and 1st Peter 3:1-2 is clear on this issue:
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
Christian husbands are forbidden to divorce their Christian wives for any reason with no exceptions. She might betray him, leave him and turn into a raging whore, walk into the courts of this world and “divorce” him, steal his children and alienate them from him, emotionally rape him, destroy him financially and use the police power of the State to force him to pay her for decades, possibly for life.
Those husbands who are under the Law have the right to divorce their wife if she commits adultery. The Risen Lord Jesus Christ issued a ruling for His slaves that require their marriage standard to be the original standard of Genesis 2:24, which means no divorce. As He said in Matthew 19, “what therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” The Christian man is married to his Christian wife for life, no exceptions, til death do they part.
Does this mean a wife can sentence her husband to celibacy by leaving him or refusing (in violation of the command at 1st Corinthians 7:3-5) to have sex with him? No, a man is authorized to have more than one wife and that has not changed. So what if she bails out? That’s on her head. She uses the legal system against you. That too is on her head. Do the best you can. You wifed it up, deal with it.
3. For a Christian married to an unbeliever, the rules are the same as if they were married to a believer, but if the unbeliever leaves them they are free. This instruction was given by Paul at 1st Corinthians 7:12-15 and it represents a ground-breaking new development in one area: a Christian woman can be freed from her marriage without being divorced for her adultery or by becoming a widow. Previously (under the Law) a woman could only be unbound (divorced) if she committed adultery. This instruction allows a Christian husband or wife to be unbound from their spouse if they are abandoned, which means (in the wife’s case) she was not at fault by committing adultery.
This raises a GIANT question.
The Christian wife is commanded not to separate from her husband (that prohibition includes emotional as well as physical separation), but if she does separate (for whatever reason) she is to remain single (chaste) or be reconciled to her husband (not her “ex-husband”). The Christian husband is commanded not to “aphiémi“ his wife (send his wife away, divorce her). For two married Christians, there is no divorce and there are no exceptions. But, what if one of the so-called “Christian” spouses abandons the other?
Is the one who leaves (in violation of Scripture) really a Christian?
This is only critical in the case of an abandoned woman because a man can have more than one wife. In the case of our modern “unintended” marriages in which the foolish virgin (who was lied to and told sex doesn’t make her married) gives her virginity to a man not understanding that with that act she marries him. If her father cannot forbid that marriage (he’s dead, unavailable or unwilling) and the man is a Christian, obviously that man cannot divorce her for her adultery (and it’s almost guaranteed she’s had sex with other men, which means she committed adultery).
Christian husbands are commanded to live with their wives in an understanding way (1st Peter 3:7), which requires that the Christian husband live with his wife. The husband is commanded in Ephesians 5:25-27 to love his wife as Christ loved His church. These are very serious commands that cut to the heart of Christian living.
1st John 2:3-6 says
By this we know that we have come to know Him, if we keep His commandments. The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him
When this Christian woman who was married to that man when she gave him her virginity approaches him and he refuses to do his duty as her husband, where does that leave her? The question is whether that man is even a Christian. If he were a non-Christian he can give her a certificate of divorce for her adultery and she is no longer bound. However, can a Christian husband refuse to release her from her marriage to him and at the same time refuse to obey the commandments to live with her, love her and provide for her? No. He’s proving that he’s a liar when he claims to be a Christian and he’s abandoned her, which means she’s free.
And what about the Christian woman who is deceived by the feminist churchian rulers of her church and taught lies? She leaves her husband thinking she has grounds to do so and uses the court system to abuse him, causing great damage. If, in the day she learns she is wrong and returns to him in humble repentance, what if he refuses to reconcile himself to her? He is commanded to love her as Christ loved His church. Does Christ ever turn His back on a repentant sinner who comes to Him and asks for forgiveness? No.
The bottom line is that if you’re married you’re called to stay together, but the only person you have control over is you. If your spouse decides to destroy the marriage, they not only can but probably will. There is no magic bullet, no legal argument, no nothing. If they decide to thumb their nose at God, they will. Go on with your life.
Let Them Go
In the case of a wife who left, no good will come of trying to “win her back” because every effort will only make matters worse. The one exception is this: She must know that if she decides to return she may do so, but only in repentance.
In the case of a husband who left, a wife should sincerely ask him why he left and what she can do to change herself so that she’s pleasing to him. This might get a totally unacceptable and offensive response (to her) such as “lose weight and stop being a bitch” but in general, by the time a man has had it and he leaves, he’s done. I say the wife should do this because the vast majority would refuse. Of those who did, the vast majority would not change.
There are many who claim to be Christians but are uninterested in what God desires of them.
There are things a man can do to change the dynamic of his relationships, but it is not easy because:
The one who cares the least about the relationship will always have the most power over the relationship and within it.
This is wisdom that few can hear, but the truth of this can be observed in all walks of life. You must begin with the end in mind because some things can only be done or established in the beginning.
Begin With The End In Mind
It is often fatal to attempt to change the dynamic of a relationship after it is begun, so you should proceed as you began or end it. This requires knowledge and wisdom in order to know what is desired. You have heard it said that one should always consider the cost before you begin:
“For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’”
Answering the question of whether you have enough to pay the cost does not answer the question of whether it is a cost you are willing to pay or whether what you receive in return for that payment will be worth it. This is of critical importance when the subject is marriage. Did you study? Did you diligently seek wisdom? Have you not read that:
while I was still searching but not finding: I found one upright man among a thousand, but not one upright woman among them all.
Again, it is written
Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, for she is only a woman.
And yet the fools of this generation look for “the one” and expect her to be upright and virtuous while alone, for the fools do not understand what teacher also said:
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.